Over the years working with nonprofits, I’ve seen a range of organizational strengths. Some excel at branding; others cultivate deep, long relationships. However, I rarely see one that excels at both.

Branding creates broad recognition. People may see your logo and already expect excellence. Recognition alone, though, doesn’t create trust. The most successful nonprofits establish that recognition and then build something deeper: relationships.

Each organization rests on the tripod they create through their mission, branding, and relationships. In my experience, the most important two are mission and relationships. Relationships are, of course, much more individualized. The challenge with most nonprofits is their structure or staffing is unable to develop a large number of deep relationships. Since depth is impossible to reach on a massive scale, that balance is extremely difficult. Fundraising teams, as a result, have too many obligations that take them away from spending time with donors.

Spend your time outside the office with donors. Flipping your priorities can change everything.

As my dad would say, they are minoring on majors and majoring on minors.

My solution? Spend your time outside the office with donors. It may sound unrealistic but take it from someone who has done it: flipping your priorities can change everything.

Flip Your Priorities

I began my career as the Director of Planned Giving at a small liberal arts college. With no predecessor or roadmap, I was scattered and disorganized. The essential problem was my lack of prioritization. Things that were merely urgent were jumbled together with those that were truly important. I was constantly busy but not meaningfully productive. Consequently, the institution likely missed out on many gifts because I did not have the time to meet with donors.

So, I scheduled a meeting with the Vice President for Development where I made a bold proposal.

“What will you hold me accountable for at the end of the year?” I asked.

Without hesitation, he replied, “It’s the amount of money you raise for us.”

That was the opening I needed.

“Let me be in the office only Monday mornings and Friday afternoons.” I proposed. “The rest of the time, I’ll be out meeting with donors, especially the lapsed and occasional ones. Let’s try it for six months and see how it works.”

He said yes.

I taped a 12-foot piece of butcher paper to the inside wall of my office closet and mapped out a donor plan month by month. Every Monday morning, my assistant and I would review the plan and check off completed items. It gave me structure and accountability, and ultimately, it worked.

That six-month trial turned into a year. Eventually, my VP permanently excused me from committee meetings, office administration, and anything unrelated to donor engagement.

Seven years later, our aggregate giving had increased from $120,000 to $52 million.

Date to Marry

Donor relationships are just that––relationships. I didn’t ask my wife, Sheryl, to marry me the day we met. First, we got to know each other. We discovered we were a good match. We dated. We wrote letters. We spent hours on the phone. Those early investments established a strong foundation so we could weather disagreements down the line.

Donors won’t always agree with everything your organization does, but if they have a relationship with you, they’ll accept it. Just like a healthy marriage, donor relations rely on structure and accountability. When it comes to the keys to success, it doesn’t matter what it is: cultivating a marriage, fundraising, raising a child—a systematic approach and high accountability unlock the possibility for greatness.

Great fundraising takes all these tiles, each fully unique, and puts them together as a mosaic. The more tiles you have, the clearer the picture becomes.

Ask, Don’t Tell

Courting your donors, in this way, goes beyond a transaction. A couple of decades ago, I interviewed 25 couples or individuals who had given a million dollars or more. I asked them, “What is your first feeling when a nonprofit contacts you?”

Their answers varied in words but not in sentiment: “I feel like an ATM. They only call when they want my money.”

I’ve been on the receiving end of that, too. A few years ago, three men came to the office to see me. I had never heard of the charity, and I didn’t know any of them. They sat down and promptly asked me for a $100,000 donation. When I asked them how they got my name, they said someone on their board said I was a successful businessperson.

I felt like an ATM.

I told them I would be happy to help. So, I helped them find their way out.

That interaction wasn’t just presumptuous; it was transactional. And relationships aren’t transactional. Think of it this way: if I only ever called Sheryl to ask what’s for dinner, she’d stop answering my calls.

Nonprofits often make the same mistake. They just assume donors are going to give to them and that they should. What’s worse, when a donor says no, they often fail to ask why.

When someone declines a gift request, I ask four questions:

1. Is it the amount?
2. Is it the timing?
3. Is it the project?
4. Is it the organization?

You cannot control what a donor gives, when they give, nor how much they give, but you can control the quality of the relationship you build.

Sometimes it is the amount, but usually, their answer is the timing. You cannot control what a donor gives, when they give, nor how much they give, but you can control the quality of the relationship you build.

Couple’s Therapy

When I was working as the Director of Planned Giving, I was at a disadvantage. I didn’t have access to a donor’s full financial picture––nor should I have. Who would want to hand over their net worth statement to a nonprofit, surrendering personal financial details that could turn every future conversation into a calculated fundraising pitch? That’s why I started Thompson & Associates. Being independent of the nonprofit sector enables us to work with donors confidentially. Donors know our recommendations are in their best interest, not simply to secure a gift for the nonprofit.

In our early years of dating and marriage, Sheryl often turned to her best friend and mom for advice––not to complain about me, necessarily, but to get perspective from someone she trusted about our developing relationship. Leaning on an outside source for guidance is important, and I’m so thankful she had that. And that’s what we aim to be for donors: trusted, unbiased counsel.

We have nothing to gain from gifts donors may choose to give or not to give, so they can be honest with us about their priorities and the legacy they want to leave. We simply help them do that wisely and effectively. When donors feel supported and informed, they give with impact.

When donors feel supported and informed, they give with impact.

At its heart, fundraising is about intentionality, not urgency. Relationships take time, trust, and consistent investment, and the nonprofits that thrive are the ones willing to make that investment. Step outside the office. Prioritize conversations over campaigns. Start viewing your donors as partners rather than pocketbooks. Not only will you likely raise more money, you will build something that lasts.

©2025, Eddie Thompson, Ed.D., FCEP
Founder and CEO, Thompson & Associates

“If we merely aim for the industry standard, then our goal is mediocrity. Emulating the average nonprofit, we are destined to live with all the problems the average nonprofit faces. So, we suggest you aim to be exceptional in your approach to fund development.”